Men have mistresses and women? Well women are the mistresses.
There is, if you can believe it, no universally accepted term or word used to describe a male mistress. Sure there are toyboys but that implies that they’re younger than you and, let’s face it, that is not always the case. Younger is not always better. Tighter, yes, but better … no.
Shocking, isn’t it?
Not shocking because I am like a four-year-old, who needs to add a name tag to everything, but shocking because it implies – through omission - that a woman could not possibly have a male mistress. That she will, regardless of the situation, always be the mistress.
The double standards are astounding and more than that they are irritatingly inaccurate.
But being the control-freak that I am I have developed a very workable solution. From this day forth all male mistresses that I come into contact with shall be named mattresses. It’s bound to catch on and, because it’s not nearly as obvious as talking about a mistress, you will find yourself mentioning it everywhere.
So married-women-who-decide-to-stray it is finally time to rejoice. Your male mistress, the mattress, can now be afforded the same nicknaming-and-shaming rituals ordinarily reserved for his female counterparts.