November 2007

Every fairytale centers around the concept of ‘the one’. Boy meets girl. They date for a period. They realize that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. They live happily ever after. The happily ever after bit is on the sickly side but is done away with thanks to car repayments, kids, saggy boobs, boeps and bouts of impotence. It doesn’t exist, or at least not in the same one-liner way it appears in Cinderella.

How do all these fairytale lead characters always know when they’ve met ‘the one’? I know I know it’s a story and therefore not true but the whole idea of ‘the one’ is something that plagues most people. Well it’s something that worries me. I want to know if it is something a person suddenly realizes? Does a mythical and metaphorical bolt of lightening hit you? Or is it more gradual, a realization that creeps up on you like old age?

Also what happens if you’ve met ‘the one’ but you’re a girl? What happens if you’re me? Even though I’m not old fashioned I kind of like the idea of being proposed to, I’m not so keen on doing the proposing.

Life would be made so much easier if someone would just open up a shop stocking lots of ‘the one’s’. They could have little labels sewn behind their ears and a lifetime warranty. Also it would be really great if they were tax deductible.

Somewhere along the line someone told those airline dudes that if they just apologized for delays everything would be OK. Well whoever told them that should be shot, or at least smacked around a bit.

Nothing gets to me quite like some man or woman on a loudspeaker or loudhailer announcing a flight delay followed by an apology that I know they don’t mean. I can here the lack of sincerity and I know that they really couldn’t give a damn. Why would they care? It’s not like they’ve got connecting flights or somewhere better to be. Quite frankly I’d prefer it if they said nothing, or better yet if they got honest.

Picture this scenario – bear with me I think I’m on to a winning idea. I’m sure the airlines will be bringing me on board as a consultant any day now.

You are in the airport experiencing massive delays, surprise surprise, because you’re flying with that airline that sounds like it belongs on a Pavlova or in a fruit salad. Instead of following the delay announcement with an apology they say something along the lines of: “this is what happens when you buy half price tickets so deal with it”. Or “if time was such a big issue in your life you should have forked out the extra bucks and flown on a real airline cheapskate”. See I told you what a winner of an idea. I can feel that consulting job is definitely on it’s way.