March 2008

A successful relationship hinges on a few things, but according to a number of old-timers, there is a golden rule that should be adhered to at all times. This rules states that: part of being one half of a couple is doing things that you may not necessarily like or enjoy.
Yes so do not bother with the flowers and chocolates, they are so archaic, so passé, instead – it seems - the best way of showing another person that you really like them is to do something you really dislike doing. It makes perfect sense doesn’t it? Oh, and gentlemen, this does not include doing something you pretend to hate but, in fact, really love. Believe it or not we know the difference. Women may be just this side of irrational but it does not mean we are idiots. In fact the plus side of being irrational is a deliciously healthy dose of suspicion. So when you act too keen to do something you apparently ‘dislike immensely’ we know that all is not as it should be Man Land.
After assessing the impact of the Golden Rule it was clear that men benefitted more heavily from it than women. Apparently we are more prone to being complete over-achievers in this field. Ladies I suggest blaming your mothers.
However this rule has had two notable spin-offs for our gender. These include; the whole “men taking out the garbage” movement and the average number of straight men at a Celine Dion concert.

After sitting behind women with young children on airplane trips, to and from Johannesburg, I’ve reach what I believe is a very mature decision. It’s not something totally unoriginal like  “I’m never having children”. Although I must say that a screaming child is a very effective means of birth control. What I’ve decided is until my children can carry their own luggage and other rubbish they’re simply not flying with me.
I’m sure my children will have questions. I’m positive the inevitable “but when can we fly” whine will become more prevalent as they get older. I am however prepared and it’s for this very reason that I’m putting together the very first ‘Airport and Airline Challenge’.
All that is required is a bag full of the kind of stuff children insist on traveling with. This will be left at the back door. I will then simulate airport conditions while my children run from the top of the garden to the bottom and back again within an allotted time period. My eldest, Juan, followed by his sister, Deux, are free to take up this ‘Challenge’ whenever their hearts desire.
To make things more exciting and more realistic I want to add in some real life twists. These will vary and they could be anything from a flight being delayed to Juan losing his little sister.
At this rate my kids will be flying by the time they’re young adults and at that age they could start carrying some of my stuff.

Recently, like Monday recently, I got send an article detailing how there was a direct correlation between the amount of sex a married man has and the amount of housework said married man does. Apparently more housework means a happier Mrs. and a happier Mrs. greatly increases a husband’s chances of being on the receiving end of his wife’s sexual advances.
Yes ladies apparently it is no longer about roses and candlelit dinners. After getting married and having kids romance becomes all about mops, vacuum cleaners and washing machines.
Gentleman, making your wife go weak at the knees could not be easier. It is, according to this study, as simple as donning an apron and wielding a dustpan. So if weak at the knees is what happens when you wear the cleaning outfits and paraphernalia, imagine the outcome if you actually knew how to use these cleaning implements? Combining the look with the ability to clean could be completely deadly! I can see dusting entirely replacing foreplay in a married couples sex life.
Imagine married men, handy with their cleaning equipment, being forgiven for their inability to find their wives ever-illusive G-spots. I’m sure divorce rates would plummet, they would become almost non-existent. Happy homes and whole families would become the norm. Marriage counselors would have to find an alternative profession, perhaps something in the cleaning industry? All because a groundbreaking study on marital life showed that if a husband picked up a broom today he’d get himself laid tomorrow.