October 2008

During times of extreme economic stress, the divorce rate declines dramatically. According to my excellent source it’s due to the fact that there is no point getting divorced when there’s no money to fight over. What a simple and therefore definitely manly explanation. What my source was really saying was: women no longer want to get divorced because it’s unlikely that they’ll land up with anything other than an ex husband. We all know there’s nothing quite as valuable as one of those. It’s like having a squatter on your prime piece of real estate – an immediate deterrent to prospective buyers.

Sure you can pretend it’s not there, it’s great to pretend but pretending doesn’t make it real. You still have that annoying ex lingering over your shoulder. They’re that situational-stalker you used to share a bed with. If you have kids it’s worse – you never, ever, ever, ever get rid of them. Sports days, graduations, weddings, christenings and birthdays.

Such happy thoughts.

Your ex is your constant bad taste phase reminder. No one ever has to whip out embarrassing pictures of you in the 80’s, instead they just point to your ex.

I suppose that the sad truth, for many, is that the hefty divorce bonus goes a long way in alleviating the massive I can’t believe I married that complex.

A new house or two, a sports car, beautiful shoes, bags, clothes, holidays, friends and a masseuse with benefits are the best roofies your ex’s money can buy.

I’ve had a fascination with weddings since I was a little girl. I have always quite liked the idea of getting married. Not necessarily because I want to spend the rest of my life with another person. No, it’s about the actually wedding - the dress, the flowers and the cake. The groom, I’m sad to say, was not a fixture in any of my wedding dreams.

I’m sure I’m not alone. Actually, given the multi-billion dollar worldwide wedding industry, I know I’m not alone.

Every wedding I’ve been to, without exception, is an expression of some little girl’s dream.  I don’t know too many men who’ve spent their childhoods hoping and wishing that, when then get married, they can wear a top hat and tails. Or spend 3 months learning how to dance (the side step doesn’t count as a wedding dance move). No those are definitely from the bride’s dream-pool.

I just worry that, in our little-girl desire to realize our ‘wedding dream’, we suck all the magic out of, what should be, a supremely special day. When everything is primped and preened to max there’s no personality left in it.

Many of us never factored another person into our dream. It’s our wedding, our dress, our flowers and our cake. This thinking is great, apart from the fact that you can’t marry yourself.  So maybe we’re supposed to expand on our dream, make room in it for our partner? Maybe we’re supposed to share the special day?