As a Woman I’m entitled to Double Standards

I believe that as a woman I am entitled to have double standards, drive appallingly and inflict my PMS on my direct environment. Why? Well my reasoning is simple - when cool superhero like abilities were being handed out I didn’t get much.

I’m fully aware that I’m unable able to watch TV holding the remote in one hand and my balls in the other. I don’t have balls. Cradling my left boob in my right hand while watching a sitcom isn’t at all satisfying. Would watching sport make this more satisfying?

I realise that I’m unable to pee standing up. I just can’t seem to use a urinal successfully. I have to queue for ridiculously long periods of time just to have a wee in a bathroom that doesn’t have any toilet paper. Drip-drying is not a pleasant experience. I can’t just give a quick shake. I’m not able to have outdoor long distance peeing competitions. I have to squat and hope like hell I don’t wee on one or both of my feet. Yes the outdoors are a delightful experience for me.

I know that it is not socially acceptable for me to fart in public. If I do I can’t proudly own it the way guys do. I’ve been a closet farter all my life. I know I fart, everyone suspects I do but no one is really 100% sure. This is an identity crisis in the making. Who are you if you can’t own your own farts?

I will never be on the receiving end of a blowjob. Need I say more?

So darling as long as you cradle your balls while you watch sport, pee standing up, fart in public and are on the receiving end of blowjobs I’m entitled to behave the way do.