Dear Agony Aunt: I think my Bank is using me!

I’m considering moving away from banks in general. I realize that is a bold statement. I mean I know that there is nothing to move to, at least nothing with the purported security of banks. The alternatives that I am presently weighing up include, but are not limited to, my mattress, my underwear draw, my sock draw and a can that has been cleverly disguised as a coffee can. All of these are good, solid 1820’s options. They’re not to be sniffed at by anyone. Yet I hear you all sniffing. Mostly because you don’t think they’re safe.

Well here is some heart-wrenching news neither is your beloved bank. Every which way you turn someone is trying to scam you out of your money. Today it is phishing and tomorrow it’s something else that sounds less ocean-orientated. I am just going to come out and say it - I feel used by my bank. Dealing with them is like a bad booty call. Talking to them is like sex with no orgasm and no cuddling. What’s worse is it’s a long-term relationship where you know that the grass is not greener in the other banks pastures.

Bang onto this the fact that they’re charging you for absolutely everything and you’ll find that the mattress option is looking far more appealing. On the positive side it is really comfortable, doesn’t involve queuing and doubles as a place to sleep. Can your bank do that for you? I didn’t think so.