Desperate for Love

My relationship graveyard is littered with poor boyfriend choices. I’ve spent a long time searching for some deeper meaning behind my history of less than fantastic significant other decisions.

None of those men were mean or nasty, they just weren’t right for me. On some level I knew that they weren’t ‘the one’ pretty early on in the dating game. Did I say anything? Did I follow my own famous advice? Did I run, scream and hide? No. I let it run away with me. I turned what should have been, at most, a two week mini-commitment into a full on meet-the-parents vibe.

I didn’t know why that was. I didn’t know what made me need to hold on to something that was so wrong.  I couldn’t work out why I had to make it no matter what.

Then, one day, in one of those lightening bolt moments you read about it came to me. Ok not really. The truth, I’m afraid, is far less glamorous. I went through lots of therapy, stopped looking for external things to fix internal issues and voila thing got better. However I still struggled to put a finger on what was wrong. I could never explain it. Then, as is so often the case, someone else did it for me. They pointed out that what had really changed in my life is that I was no longer desperate for love. How very profound, how very simple and how very true that statement is.